apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
