I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MIDGETS
????
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
