i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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