My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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