you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
