who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
