the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
