Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize