my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
