i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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