i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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