Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
