happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
