a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I need to stop coming to work sober
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
