His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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