What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
