I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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