even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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