apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize