so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
