erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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