is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize