Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
