I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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