Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize