Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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