Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
