Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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