we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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