Cold hands, warm shart.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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