I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
