3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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