AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
