He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Boobs are out for the taking
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
