Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
