Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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