Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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