I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
