I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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