is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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