Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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