party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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