so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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