I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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