This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
