I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
