Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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