I love black thongs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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