apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize