No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
