Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
