wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
