last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
