I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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