I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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