I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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