The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bring money and cleavage
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
