I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
