she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
