I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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