i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
