i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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