I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
