how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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