When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
