"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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