Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
