somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
